385

hurting in the pit of my stomach
like the feeling
i remember so well
combined with
a feeling of
rejection.

 i guess i was just one to him,
just another one he could use, rely on;
i sacrificed myself, did everything for him,
tore myself apart for him
and now things have changed.

 did he love me?
i don't know.

 does love end?

 maybe it's just a habit for me, to love
the ones who never care about me.

 we were supposed to set the world on fire
but instead we turned the matches to ourselves.

 one out of so many.
life must be easy when you can have whatever girl you want.

 my throat aches and i feel sick now.
thanks.
for everything. 
for the memories i love and hate.
Jesus, how i miss him.

i hate myself for it.

 --8.29.18

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

314

i knew this would happen.  i am finally the wolf king,  hurting who i love to keep them safe.  from myself.  from the future.  it was one of the hardest things i’ve ever done.  i tore my heart apart, doing that.  i hope i never have to do it again.  this is not how i wanted things to go.  i’m so achingly sorry.  --3.7.18
Read more

292

i have an associative memory. more than most people, at least. the feeling of the air in my lungs today made me dance in the front yard as the music filtering through my earbuds brought back memories of good times.        good times?    good feelings. carefree. my chest tugged. i shut the feeling out.  i wanted to run, to smell a bonfire,  to play capture the flag with a bunch of rowdy boys. i wanted to pretend i was a spy and peer around trees, anxiously looking for  the other team. i wanted to be alone. i wanted to be with someone. i wanted to be younger. i wanted to lose myself outside and forget my thoughts. i wanted to run so fast that my problems didn't follow. i wanted to be free. --1.10.18
Read more

318

i hate my big forehead. i hate my bumpy, too-big nose. i hate my too-wide mouth and smile. i hate my round face. i hate my stubborn, ugly curls. i hate my big shoulders. i hate my long, skinny arms. i hate my small nails. i hate my scarred up back. i hate my small chest. i hate my belly. i hate my misplaced, nonexistent hips. i hate my ugly, scarred, bruised legs. i hate my big feet. it's late at night and i hate myself again --3.12.18
Read more