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it feels like every week i can't focus
too tired
too stressed 
a thousand things running through my head
the week ahead
the week behind
like every week i look back i look around i look up and wonder
what they have that i don't 
what i'm missing
what i'm doing wrong
to feel so alone and lost and afloat

i tell myself
-- every week --
"this is just a bad week. it is okay to just have a bad week."
but every week is a bad week
every week there's something wrong
and i pray every single day for trust and for contentment and for letting go of control
so where is the fulfillment?
where is the answer?
why am i still here 
every week
heart beating faster and faster
my breath going in and out and in and out in quick quick quick quick time beat
if every week is a bad week where are the good weeks?

where are the good weeks?

--2.14.21

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