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oh, if only you knew.
if only i could tell you.

every time i open up to you, you tell me why i'm wrong and you're right.
i never win, with you.
do you see why i don't want to tell you what's wrong?
do you see why i don't want to say i can't sleep at night because i'm up late crying?

but of course, i'm the one in the wrong. 
you're always right.
somehow you turn around the earnest outpourings of my heart and make them into arguments against me.

what did i do wrong?
love?

what do i tell you?
that when i gave him up, a part of me died and i suddenly saw no point in life, and i had no hope?
you'll tell me that i should find my purpose in Jesus, and that God is using this time in my life to make me rely on Him? 
then why do i still miss him?
why do i still long for him?
why am i still lonely?

so you see, i can't tell you.
i don't tell you.
i almost did tonight--but i held back. 
for good reason.