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a year ago i was needed.

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67

"i think one of my favorite things about creation     is the stars. look up at them.  a million, billion miles away, and yet   we can still see them shine. silver on black, they stand out like paint on a canvas. and think,    the One who made those stars, those beautiful balls of fire that give me such joy,         He made me too. and He loves me. when He formed each flaming silver speckle,    He thought of me;  with those same hands He shaped every part of me,         even the ones i don't like. He made me, and He loves me." --1.9.17
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yesterday. let's try to figure out what i was feeling.  first: "i don't really want to be here."  - tired of staying inside all day - sitting down watching tv. that does not build or grow a relationship. - feeling stagnant. wanting to take a walk in the rain. by myself, because i knew he wouldn't want to come.  - a little worried whenever i show that wild spontaneous side of me. like the part that would get soaking wet and dance in the rain is too much and needs to be hidden. like he's too mature for that part of me. - nothing open anyways. he doesn't like to be outside as much as i do, i think.  second: "please don't touch me." - not sure why. perhaps see the first reaction--"i don't really want to be here." it would have been more interesting to me if i had wanted to be there. - just wanting to be alone. not having to be fake because thoughts run through my head at 90 miles an hour and in the moment i can't explain. i have...
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271

and so we go to a world that is far away, anywhere but here.  we run away  from our problems and  our  responsibilities,  because we need an escape. the wanderlust grabs a hold of us, and we follow its urges; the  longing to go and be and adventure seizing us as we  seize the days and nights. we gaze at the stars  on clear nights, and we cozy up with blankets on cloudy nights. we travel, see things we've never seen, do things we've never done, dream things we'd never dream of dreaming if we were not  caught up in the moment. caught in the moment,  lost in the moment. we let it carry us along, like a leaf  on a  current-- gently waving, not fighting wherever it takes us. when it rains, we walk, watching the droplets from the drizzle  catch on our eyelashes. warm rains are calming, and in them we  relax and let go. when the sun sets slowly behind the mountains, we  climb sma...
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