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i think it was the realization of how much video calling doesn't compare to being with you that made me cry.
and thinking about how i can't be with you all the time and keep you safe and how you can't always hold me or be physically there for me and how 15 minutes feels like an ocean and how 2.5 hours is going to feel like the great expanse of space and how i love you so much it hurts and how much i want you to be okay and how you feel the pressure of being okay so i'll be okay and i don't want you to feel that because you already have so much pressure on you and all i feel like is a nuisance hardly worth being with honestly like all i do is cause problems and i'm deathly afraid of being a problem to you

 i'm going to wear your shirt to bed because it's the closest thing to you i have right now and i miss you

 --2.8.19

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