433

third floor.

 i see the skyline, see
buildings and
more windows.

 i think of hurling myself out 
breaking glass
slicing my skin as i fall
weightless
for seconds
before the sickening crunch of the ground

 i think of being pushed
fingers scrabbling for a hold on 
the windowsill
breaking my nails
feeling my legs grasp for traction
on the side of the building

 i walk across the walkway between two buildings
130 pounds plus a 17 pound backpack
imagine the wind blowing me off
tumbling down over the railing
falling fast
heavy
landing hard

 mind reels
legs break
bones shatter

 seized by the urge to plummet
downward
how far out can i jump
if i get a running start?
this is what it's like
to be afraid of heights

my thoughts spiral
out of control

i can't reign them in 
because my head is spinning
from the feeling

--2.21.19

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