252

“I don’t understand!” I scream. 

 Silence. 
No—just short answers. 
“You don’t have to.”
Retort: “But I want to!”
“But I’m bigger.”
“But what if I don’t want you to be bigger? I want to be in control!”
“I’m in control.”
“Why won’t you just be quiet sometimes?”
“You know what would happen if I were quiet.”
Silence. 

 “I want you to be here. Physically. I want to know you, feel you. I don’t want a disembodied voice in my head, I want you. I want a friend who can be truly close to me. Physically. I’ve lacked that my whole life. Please. I need you. Come quickly.”

 I feel like your heart ached. Maybe you were crying like me, because it wasn’t time yet but you wanted to come down just for a 16 year old outcast who needed a friend. 
Maybe. 

 --10.16.17

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