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still feeling worthless.
still feeling guilty.
still feeling all those things i wish i'd leave behind.
why is this so hard for me?
a part of me still thinks i've made all this up.
that i've made him up.
what better way to dream? invent someone who truly loves me. what a crazy concept.
i'm terrified that he's pretending just because he feels bad for me.
i'm terrified that all my friends only pretend they like me.
it's become so difficult for me to grasp the idea that anyone even likes me any more.
after all, why would anyone want to be friends with me when there are so many better people to be friends with?
i pick out my flaws so often that they're all i see when i look inward or outward.
am i even worth anything?
i know i am, but believing it is another matter.

--10.6.17

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