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excuse my tone and lack of punctuation but there's nothing poetic about this.
tomorrow, 1 year. 1 year marks the time when you kicked me out of your life completely. and you thought it would be a good idea, thought that a "good friend" would know what they'd done to hurt you and so you didn't tell me. bitch you didn't tell me. i'm angry at the idea of you. i loved you. i loved you with my whole heart. i spent so much of my paycheck sending you a thought out christmas gift and what did i get back? silence. silence and nothing else. and i'm not one for self diagnosis but i feel like i have ptsd from you. you're the reason i can't trust anyone. the reason that i close myself off even further than i did before. i have dreams about you and do you know what i do? i see you and i run because i can't confront you. i'm scared. i'm terrified. those feelings well up in me again and they hurt my chest and i run, because i'm a coward. i don't even know if i've forgiven you yet. or maybe i have. i've forgiven you but damnit i haven't forgotten. you can't forget that kind of betrayal. stayed up with you when you were in pain, i was the one instigating our conversation in those last few months. and you thought it would be fine to just not tell me what was going on inside your head. bitch i told you everything. i told you everything. there wasn't a thing you didn't know about me. and you threw that all away. threw what we had away. you told me you loved me and you were praying for me as you slammed the door in my face. that's not what best friends do. i'm done. i'm done with you. two years ago you would've been maid of honor in my wedding, and now i know i can't invite you. my heart beats fast thinking about even seeing you. anxiety. that's what you made me. congratulations. you lost me.
and now that's made me think about the people who have left me. high school friends, huh? yeah right. people i don't want in my life because they let me fall out of theirs. real friends pursue. and i haven't had many of those.
so leave. get out of my head, get out of my life. i wanna block every memory i have of you. all of you. so i don't have to remember how good things were with you in my life.
get the hell out of my head.
tomorrow, 1 year. 1 year marks the time when you kicked me out of your life completely. and you thought it would be a good idea, thought that a "good friend" would know what they'd done to hurt you and so you didn't tell me. bitch you didn't tell me. i'm angry at the idea of you. i loved you. i loved you with my whole heart. i spent so much of my paycheck sending you a thought out christmas gift and what did i get back? silence. silence and nothing else. and i'm not one for self diagnosis but i feel like i have ptsd from you. you're the reason i can't trust anyone. the reason that i close myself off even further than i did before. i have dreams about you and do you know what i do? i see you and i run because i can't confront you. i'm scared. i'm terrified. those feelings well up in me again and they hurt my chest and i run, because i'm a coward. i don't even know if i've forgiven you yet. or maybe i have. i've forgiven you but damnit i haven't forgotten. you can't forget that kind of betrayal. stayed up with you when you were in pain, i was the one instigating our conversation in those last few months. and you thought it would be fine to just not tell me what was going on inside your head. bitch i told you everything. i told you everything. there wasn't a thing you didn't know about me. and you threw that all away. threw what we had away. you told me you loved me and you were praying for me as you slammed the door in my face. that's not what best friends do. i'm done. i'm done with you. two years ago you would've been maid of honor in my wedding, and now i know i can't invite you. my heart beats fast thinking about even seeing you. anxiety. that's what you made me. congratulations. you lost me.
and now that's made me think about the people who have left me. high school friends, huh? yeah right. people i don't want in my life because they let me fall out of theirs. real friends pursue. and i haven't had many of those.
so leave. get out of my head, get out of my life. i wanna block every memory i have of you. all of you. so i don't have to remember how good things were with you in my life.
get the hell out of my head.
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