398

when will i learn?

 why am i like this?

 disappointed my mom. again.
why do i feel like such a disappointment?

 disjointed. out of body. lump in my throat, small voice. 

 i don't want to be dependent and i still cannot be the person i want to be and i stumble and i feel myself falling

 why am i not content?

 "yeah but how does this apply to me?"
why didn't i keep my mouth shut. why didn't i shove away my words because words have power and i made her cry. i can't stop them from pouring out of my mouth and i hate myself because i have said unforgivable things. she tries but only makes things worse. i make things worse. why do i make things worse?

 afraid to go downstairs. listening to the sadness of neon gravestones.

 how can i show my face? i have hurt again.

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