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nagging confusion
tugs at my insides--
that thunderstorm,
the beautiful sun,
this song,
a message on the back of a card.

what does this all mean?
what am i supposed to feel?
i'm so scared. terrified. 
i don't want to hurt anymore.
i don't know--
i don't know!

why did it all happen that way?
why?
what's going on?
why can't i make up my mind?
and why do i fall when i'm not ready,
   not allowed, 
        not right?

--4.15.18

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