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we were 
empty.
or, 
i was
empty.
i don't know
what i was
to him.
but i know
what i felt,
and i know
i felt
nothing.

i tried to build a dam
to hold back 
my emotions
and i succeeded.
i am proud.
but--
diverted
a small stream
of expression:
different,
but 
there
nonetheless.

now
the dam 
must be completed.
block up the holes.
i must transform
from the wolf king
to the dragon.
stone, steel, cuendillar.
harder.
stronger.

--4.3.18

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