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i have an associative memory.

more than most people, at least.

the feeling of the air in my lungs today

made me dance in the front yard

as the music filtering through my earbuds

brought back memories of good times.

       good times?

   good feelings.

carefree.

my chest tugged. i shut the feeling out. 

i wanted to run, to smell a bonfire, 

to play capture the flag with a bunch of rowdy boys.

i wanted to pretend i was a spy and

peer around trees, anxiously looking for 

the other team.

i wanted to be alone.

i wanted to be with someone.

i wanted to be younger.

i wanted to lose myself outside and forget my thoughts.

i wanted to run so fast that my problems didn't follow.

i wanted to be free.

--1.10.18