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but what i don't say is that on top of not being able to see him in the evening,

this new work schedule means that i have even more trouble

and anxiety

and stress

about balancing my family and him

and that now this means more disappointment 

from me

from my family

from him

because i have to measure out the nights 

balance them between the two 

and know all the while that neither will be satisfied

and so i will have let everyone down

and i can do nothing to fix it

--7.25.20