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"grace is a powerful thing."

yes, it is.
but how do i apply that to my life?
how do i control the rage inside of me
that desires to be close, so very close
to a human being
who understands me, who
knows me?
how do i use that knowledge 
to avert the pain that comes
when i get lonely, so very desperately lonely?

lonely--i am--lonely.
i push back tears, trying to 
shove the feeling back where it belongs.
the void, summon
the void. empty of emotions.
you cannot feel if you destroy all feeling.
shut it out, let me 
be.

alone.

please.

let me be alone.

--5.11.18