446
i can't erase the feeling of that time can't ignore it like it didn't happen can't forget wearing my hoodie in the 90 degree days as if it could provide safety and comfort staying up late, delaying, because i knew when i turned off the light i would cry myself to sleep wondering if there was something wrong with me for feeling like i did; why was i not content? smiling and crying and no one noticing working hard and realizing that it did not mean anything wanting to jerk my car off the road into a tree but not having the courage to follow through i can't just pretend it didn't happen when i smell that smell or feel that feeling or listen to that song or get that vibe it's like it's there all over again and i have to remind myself that this summer will be different than last summer but the feeling is still there curse my memory. --4.22.19