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seems like all i do as of late is hurt.
it's very apt how the word "hurt" can refer to an action i perform, and
the state of my own heart.
as i drift away from one friend and grow closer to another, it feels like so much is changing. i feel like there's some sort of metaphor for how i feel. is it like a caterpillar? am i the caterpillar? going through the changes, the cracks in the skin, the growing, the stretching, the pain, but becoming a beautiful thing in the end? if so, where is my beauty? am i halfway in between? some sort of mutant? confused, hurting, unsure?
my heart is torn between love for one and obligation to another. "death is lighter than a feather, duty heavier than a mountain." i'd read that sentence many times before the meaning occurred to me. death is easy, but living with pain is many times harder.
i've always wanted to be as strong as i pretend to be. maybe if i keep lifting that mountain, i'll be able to fit the person i want to be.
one day i know i'll understand why all this is happening, but for now i'm desperately confused and angry at myself.
one day. one day. the phrase drums through my head, beating a tattoo in my impressionable mind and emotions.
one day.
one day.
--7.31.17
it's very apt how the word "hurt" can refer to an action i perform, and
the state of my own heart.
i am the wolf king and he's the falcon.
he won't know what that means.
as i drift away from one friend and grow closer to another, it feels like so much is changing. i feel like there's some sort of metaphor for how i feel. is it like a caterpillar? am i the caterpillar? going through the changes, the cracks in the skin, the growing, the stretching, the pain, but becoming a beautiful thing in the end? if so, where is my beauty? am i halfway in between? some sort of mutant? confused, hurting, unsure?
my heart is torn between love for one and obligation to another. "death is lighter than a feather, duty heavier than a mountain." i'd read that sentence many times before the meaning occurred to me. death is easy, but living with pain is many times harder.
i've always wanted to be as strong as i pretend to be. maybe if i keep lifting that mountain, i'll be able to fit the person i want to be.
one day i know i'll understand why all this is happening, but for now i'm desperately confused and angry at myself.
one day. one day. the phrase drums through my head, beating a tattoo in my impressionable mind and emotions.
one day.
one day.
--7.31.17
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