excerpts from stories i will never write

i miss my sister. i miss my little sisters—not by blood. i miss my friends.

hello, world. recently i made a massive transition, changing my life from something it had been into something new. i moved away from some people. met some new people. gonna learn some new stuff. and i think i'm sad. i'm really not sure, honestly. it's hard to tell. but i think i've blocked out all my emotions and once i settle into a good routine then i'm gonna have to feel things again. it's difficult for me to feel things with my God now. because i've blocked everything out. feels more like a distant relationship than one that travels with me. i think i'm lonely because i don't have the people i want here. and i know that's shallow but wow. i think i've avoided thinking about this transition as if it would fade away into nonexistence as my thoughts danced around it. and that's not true, and now it's here. and i'm blocking everything out. even though i know i'm gonna have to deal with it at some point. eventually i...

the light has gone out of my life. he's away and it's like nothing really matters any more i hope i make it because i love him and i miss him like a part of me is gone

girl, 18, remakes herself. moves out. dyes her hair again. gets some more piercings, more tattoos.  maybe. probably not. girl, 18, is tired of failure. tired of crying. tired of carrying the weight of everything. girl, 18, lives wild. laughs more. stays up too late. expects less from herself and others. watches the shows she's wanted to watch. looks at the stars more. spends more time with shallow friends. pours her heart out more. writes on bathroom stall doors. lives more.