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flowofconsciousness tired eyes burning from saltwater i cried earlier today began with rain the sun came out rain came back from my own eyes can barely find the strength to stay open like his blinds laying on his chest i knew that i didn't know what i wanted but that it was not this that it was not to go home and stay there and cry more that the one thing i wanted more than anything was to stay and curl up on a couch on our couch and watch a movie and eat ice cream and feel him beside him the warmth of him and the security the nearness of his body provides me that i just wanted to lay down and sleep with him near me hearing his breathing not too soft not too loud just near him like i love like i always want to be crying like used to when he would leave holding onto him like he is a lifeline and i am drowning in what in my own tears for no reason or maybe for every reason don't want to fulfill everyone's expectations of me i want to be different want to be able to ...