excerpts from stories i will never write

i am young. too young to make decisions. --12.7.19

"i only use this blog for my intimate moments, for high periods of emotion." if i don't write, if i don't create--there's nothing for me to paint, no one can see my skin, where's my paints, where are the colors i can pour my soul into, swirls and paint and little bits of me poured out onto myself or onto another surface as if my emotions can become real and be released through chemical colors--if i don't write, paint, draw, create, then i will hurt myself, drag my knuckles across broken glass and concrete tar, scrape them, punch the brick till they bleed, bleed, bleed. release. let me go. let me fly away, run away, scream at the sky. trying not to hurt myself.  --12.7.19