excerpts from stories i will never write

"we could run away, right now." kidding and serious at the same time. --3.30.19

what made you leave? what did i do to make you leave? please. i need you back.  come back. --3.27.19

as i lift myself up  i hear a voice ask me "are you satisfied now?" and i answer it with my tears, "no." --3.24.19

as she told the room about last night bubbly showing us the ring on her finger my heart was struck with sadness at one of her movements the way she said something i don't remember but it reminded me of her and it made me hurt because it was like i'd replaced her but not quite i don't know but it still made me miss her just like i do when i wake up and when i go to sleep and in between those bookends it still hurts --3.17.19

watermelon and sunscreen

oh man. i'd forgotten how nervous pretty girls make me. perfect hips, thighs, stomach, nose, smile, hair. hey can we talk? i think you'd be cool as a roommate. oh, i'm sorry but i've already been talking to a couple girls! i'm sure you'll find someone though! i hurt what if i'm not pretty enough to find a roommate?  everyone loves a pretty girl and i'm not that so imperfect so wrong not beautiful what if no one wants me? what if i have to be randomly assigned someone? the last kid chosen for dodgeball, only it's  the last kid chosen  to spend nine months of their life with someone else. no one would want to be stuck with me. panicpanicpanic --3.4.19