excerpts from stories i will never write

i took your ring off my finger your pictures off my wall our selfies off my phone and i cried today because i needed you and you were not there and i will never know what i did because you saw us as broken and you never told me  and it seems like you expected me to fix it even though i had no idea where to begin  to clean up a mess i didn't know existed finality. i have closure but it's not the closure i wanted. you're gone. --1.31.19

stop pause the music read hurt read hurt hurt hurt hurt hurt read hurt confusion hurt hurt hurt. blow after blow after blow. kick me while i'm already on the ground. 

it felt good to rant about you  to someone  who sharpens me like you did. but it made me sad to think about  six years and how you were there for me and now you're not anymore i mean it's fine whatever it hurts a lot not that you'd care or anything not that you'd ask how i am whatever. --1.23.19

i cried last night because yesterday was so special and you were not there. it would have been easy to drive the 12 minutes. it would have been easy to not make plans that day. it would have been so easy. and you were not there. --1.21.19

i unfollowed you on spotify because it hurts to think about how you clearly have time to listen to music and yet cannot find the minutes  to open a different app to talk to me. --1.21.19

so many things that make a person valuable i wish i could make him see wish i could sprinkle my love onto others to wake them up and show them how to love him because he is incredible  and there is no way for me to force him to believe it and i know it's just a bad day for him and they come and they go but bad days make me think about losing him  make me want to take it all away i hate to see my love hurting no one as out of this world as him deserves to hurt so tear down the walls break open the doors pour love into him wake him up show him that he is so valued by You and i but also by people so many people please i love him. --1.14.19

i want to love him until he forgets he is broken --1.6.19