excerpts from stories i will never write

she spins on her toes,  dancing in the starlight. no one sees her and that is how she likes it best. she is alone, and for once it's okay. orion watches.  the rest of the night sky gazes on, starry spectators to her dance in solitude. she smiles and flings her arms open wide, dancing in the starlight. --2.21.18

2:45am. I can’t sleep. Adrenaline rushes through my veins and I feel my heartbeat like a throbbing in my chest. My whole body feels it. I can only imagine how you feel. There is so much I understand. I’m restless. I’m not tired. Stress still lingers. I remember how I felt when I was in a similar place, and I cry again. Father, bring them close. Please. I’m so scared that rock bottom will creep up and I will be too late. I’m desperate. Don’t let them go. —2.18.18

it’s 1:30 am  and i’m thinking about you.  i hurt for you.  i know it hurts so very badly.  i’m afraid for you.  i miss you.  i want to hold you and comfort you and let you know that i am here.  always.  please hold on.  darling, don’t let go.  —2.18.18

my words do not seem to work for me any longer.              i try, but         they are dry and   useless.     meaningless.    how do i say what i feel? how can i express what i do not know? my thoughts drift.  i write     and rewrite.  things come to mind that i                                        wish i could say. how do you put into words the wanderlust that seizes you when you hear that song, when     you think of her? how do you explain memories that      you’ve never made? daydreams become so deeply ingrained into my subconscious that         it’s           like               they’re                   real. this is word art, now. choppy. maybe pleasing to look at. maybe it hurts your eyes.     i (don’t)         care. i imagine things so much  they become old memories. but words are meaningless and so is       the way i write.   i wish to make you cry and laugh with what i write. i wish to be good at what i try to do.         what

i wish i had a magic tree house so that i could point to a picture of you shut my eyes and say "i wish i could go… there." --2.2.18